But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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