so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
