I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
