It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I believe in your delicious
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
