You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
