i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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