if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
