I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
