It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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