New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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