did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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