I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You did what with his pubic hair?
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