we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
