if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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