my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
