I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
