The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
