I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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