Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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