you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
