I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
