Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
