Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
