I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
