Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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