LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
