there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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