is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
