He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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