I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
