I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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