Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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