I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize