It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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