How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
