Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
