She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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