You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
