just tell him i said nine months
he puts the penis in happiness.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
