Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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