I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
