in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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