go do what you do best...puke behind churches
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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