I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
