K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
