I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
