Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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