So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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