the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
