just come out here and I will go home with you...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize