I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
