He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
