he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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