You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
