My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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