this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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