The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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