Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
