I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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