I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
