Betty ford says i'm here all night
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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