So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
